Tuesday, September 27, 2016

Compassion Fatigue in Funeral Service Professionals...



Our hearts are too full of grief to care.

Rachel Remen, MD
Kitchen Table Wisdom




Hi Everyone!

Happy Autumn! It's a busy one already with two workshops completed before the end of September. I hadn't realized how little I knew about the lives of funeral service professionals (medical examiners, mortuary technicians, funeral directors, embalmers, advance planners, crematory operators, cemetery operators and others) until I facilitated two Caring On Empty workshops for the wonderful folk of the BC Funeral Association this month.

Like many, I have to admit, I have occasionally endorsed stereotypes of money-hungry morticians out to bilk the public in their time of need and have participated in story-telling about crusty, unempathic,  funeral personnel.

Now, I must say, my eyes are opened. I've developed a deep respect for these professionals whose work involves constant exposure to loss, grief and trauma; who frequently work with insufficient resources; and who carry all the stresses of running either a 24/7 small family business or trying to provide empathic care within a large impersonal corporate structure focused on profit.

These death care professionals are rarely included in our lists of people at risk for compassion fatigue and yet their risk factors are many indeed. In a 2014 survey of 57 respondents from multiple countries done by author and blogger, Katie Hamilton, funeral directors identified the following emotional impacts of their work:

- Daily encounters with multiple traumatic images, smells and stories that are difficult to dispel.
- The stress of dealing with the emotionally-charged dynamics of devastated family members who may resent paying for funeral services or who cannot afford those services. 
- Coping with the physical impacts of sleep deprivation and undervalued self care.
- Exhaustion due to 24/7 availability to clients and families and the subsequent sacrifice of their own family life - and the tension between the two.
- Dealing with inherent family tensions while trying to run a family business.
- Working for a large firm whose values do not align with your own and the resulting lack of support.  
 - The stress of dealing with multiple external professionals - clergy, physicians, coroners, police. (This is an issue of time, administrative details, interpersonal stress, and having to repeat death details multiple times thus increasing trauma exposure.)
- The profound sadness of certain deaths - gruesome circumstances, infants, children, young people, suicides. And the expectation that "professionals" will not show their emotional responses.
- Being socially isolated from the general population by the nature of the vocation. 

Other stressors noted by those in the field include a lack of debriefing opportunities after a bad death, personally knowing those being tended or recognizing that they are friends of your spouse or child, gender bias within the profession (women are "too emotional" to hire or promote and are relegated to paperwork and tidying / "real men" don't show tender emotions), and having to keep clients' family secrets - such as the nature of a death - especially in a small community.

These risk factors can result in the familiar signs of compassion fatigue and accumulated grief - cynical sarcastic humour (as opposed to healthy black humour), irritability and impatience, chronic sadness, defensive cheerfulness and hyperactivity, chronic physical complaints, heavy drinking, loss of empathy and compassion, family breakdown and emotional disengagement from co-workers and the very people you're trying to help. Ultimately, many decide to leave their once-loved profession or go on to develop depression or, rarely, suicide.

Some resilience strategies  discussed in the workshops this month included:

- Creating an ongoing resilience plan and meeting regularly with a self-care buddy to review your progress and gain encouragement.
- Advocating for, and using, a good Employee Assistance Program, separate from the workplace, that recognizes the nature of your responsibilities. 
- Making use of new technologies to reduce your time at work and on call - pagers and smart phones, informative websites, a good answering service to screen calls, software programs for obituary placement and death certificate filing.
- Delegating responsibilities - eg hiring an appropriate removal company.
- Balancing your death focus with a life focus - gratitude journalling, outdoor activities, nourishing hobbies, regular downtime with your family and friends, vacation time where you're geographically away from your workplace.
- Focusing on the joy you can find in the work (Compassion Satisfaction)  
- Healthy eating and regular aerobic exercise
- Monitoring alcohol intake  - noticing when you're using alcohol and for what purpose. 
- Intentionally building and maintaining a nurturing spiritual life.
- Creating a professional support network of 4 or 5 people who will be consistently warm, accepting and supportive when called upon. 
- Avoiding re-traumatizing each other with competitive story-telling at conferences and other gatherings. (ie Leaving out the gory details!).

Serving and supporting others through their worst and most tragic days is a rewarding, but not necessarily an easy occupation. So, next time you see one of your neighbourhood death care professionals, why not take a moment to shelve any stereotypes and give them a smile and a greeting. I'm sure they'd appreciate the support.
   

Friday, September 2, 2016

Autumn Inspiration ...




Autumn is a second spring when every leaf is a flower.  

Albert Camus







Hi Everyone!

I'm finally back from a longer-than-intended summer vacation after discovering that I had not only broken my left elbow in a fall at the beginning of the season, but I'd injured my right wrist and elbow as well. So that put paid to any long hours of keyboarding over the past few months. I'm in the harness again, though, with just an occasional twinge to remind me to be careful, ready for what is shaping up to be a very busy autumn.

Because I have so many workshops booked between now and Christmas and because I've promised my doctor not to lift large boxes of books, handouts etc for the next while, I won't be offering the usual community-based Caring On Empty and Enneagram workshops again until the Spring. (My sincerest apologies to anyone who was looking forward to attending this fall!) Please watch this space in January for the new Spring dates on Granville Island.

September is here and I don't know about you, but I LOVE the autumn. (Yes, I know, it's not officially autumn yet but it feels like it is today.) It's my favourite time of year - so full of brilliance, abundance, energy and colour. My energy rises just at the thought of it. Not everyone feels that way, though. One of my dearest friends says she goes into mourning at this time every year as she bids farewell to the bright, warm, lazy days of summer. For those of you who face the same struggle, and even for those who don't,  I've compiled a list of inspiring quotations praising the fall. May they help to ease you into the a kinder gentler relationship with this, the third and, in my opinion, most beautiful season of the year. Enjoy!


Life starts all over again when it gets crisp in the fall.  F Scott Fitzgerald
At no other time does the earth let itself be inhaled with one smell, the ripe earth; in a smell that is in no way inferior to the smell of the sea, bitter where it borders on taste, and more honeysweet where you feel it touching the first sounds.  Rainer Maria Rilke
I'm so glad to live in the world where there are Octobers!  L M Montgomery 
Autumn carries more gold in its pocket than all the other seasons.  Jim Bishop
The winds will blow their freshness into you, and the storms their energy, while your cares will drop away from you like the leaves of Autumn.   John Muir
Autumn was her happiest season. There was an expectancy about its sounds and shapes: the distant thunk pomp of leather and young bodies on the practice field near her house made her think of bands and Coca-Colas, parched peanuts and the sight of people's breath in the air. There was even something to look forward to when school started - renewals of old feuds and friendships, weeks of learning again what one half forgot in the long summer.  Harper Lee
The season for enjoying the fullness of life - partaking of the harvest, sharing the harvest with others, and reinvesting and saving portions of the harvest for yet another season of growth.  Denis Waitley
Delicious autumn! My very soul is wedded to it, and if I were a bird I would fly about the earth seeking the successive autumns.  George Elliot
Listen! The wind is rising, and the air is wild with leaves, we have had our summer  evenings, now for October eves!   Humbert Wolfe
I love the fall. Fall is exciting. It's apples and cider. It's an airborne spider. It's pumpkins in bins. It's burrs on dogs' chins. It's wind blowing leaves. It's chilly red knees. It's nuts on the ground. It's a crisp dry sound. It's green leaves turning And the smell of them burning. It's clouds in the sky. It's fall! That's why... I love fall!  Author Unknown
Two sounds of autumn are unmistakable ... the hurrying rustle of crisp leaves blown along the street ...by a gusty wind, and the gabble of a flock of migrating geese.   Hal Borland
The ripples wimple on the rills / Like sparkling little lasses. / The sunlight runs along the hills / And laughs among the grasses... / Why, it's the climax of the year, - / The highest time of living!- / Til naturally its bursting cheer / Just melts into thanksgiving. Paul Dunbar
Though I still grieve as beauty goes to ground, autumn reminds me to celebrate the primal power that is forever making all things new in me, in us, and in the natural world.  Parker Palmer 
Even if something is left undone, everyone must sit still and watch the leaves turn. Elizabeth Laurence 
May the air be crisp, may the leaves be few, may the season of Autumn bring great bounty to you!    Author Unknown